my life as a 17 year old

today i was outside with malik and felix yesterday was my birthday but no one really remembered but still i am happy that i got this only laptop that i can play old games on its not that best one its has only 2gb of ram but it works i guess i start drinking and smoking also and bc i have no friend at all idk no one seems to like me i am not that best looking guy but i work out i bench around 160kg my fav song is childhood by rauf and faik i am german so i am bad at english i hate my life i hate it i tried everything to look better but it seems that its dont work i tried skincare for 4 month nothing happend i tried looksmaxing nope didnt work ofc i like a girl her name is elif she is soooo pretty her personalty is also good i like her so much i dont even pay attentoin is class i just look at her i love her but i told her that i like her she called me ugly a guy who never will find a girlfriend and if i was the lastperson in the world she still date me soi got rejected but i still love her even after she told all her friend about me likeing her i fucking hate my self i wish i die ya so idk wt do say