Tired of Him and His Kids...

Been married for nearly two years. SO and I dated for six months and got maried after a year of dating. He has two children, SD is 13, and SS is now 21. They live in NC and we live in NY. SO has carried a lot of shame for making the choice to return to his home in NY because he wanted to make more money and take care of his grandmother. I always try to remind him to give himself grace and to remember it was the best he could do at the time.

I have also stressed being consistent and vulnerable with his kids to establish a relationship not predicated on guilt and giving to please them. He can teach them how he wants to be treated and listen to how they want to be regarded. I was raised in a horrible household so I know a little about healing and what kids need most.

His daughter is 13 and doesn't call or anything. He won't have a FT conversation with his ex-wife about building consistent communication practices. And what's interesting is that the ex-wife can call to ask for money but she doesn't require that their daughter call and communicate with her dad. Ex-wife has been remarried for a while so my SD has a SDad that she sees often. I still don't think that should stop the consistency or setting standards.

I've tried to build relationships with them but they suck. It always feels like it's our first time meeting. They treat their dad like this, too. I was a teacher for five years. No, I'm not a bio parent but I know what works. My SO seems scared to rock the boat and he said he doesn't want to force them. My last straw was after sending her a VDay gift from us with not a "thank you" at all. When he told her to thank people when we she receives something and mentioned reaching out to me personally, she paid him no mind.

I'm sick of him and them. I need some advice. Twice in one week, my SO and I have beefed (argued) over this. I'm tired. Thanks in advance. I will clap back if the comments aren't respectful but I am nice and gracious most of the time.