Why can't I just forget it already

I can't stop thinking about the awful shit I've done to the people I cared about, to my friends, the people I loved. Most was over a year ago, some more than 2 years. I know when they think of me they'll only remember the bad stuff. Maybe they don't give a shit anymore and it's just me holding on to nothing, maybe that's just wishful thinking. Either way I just don't really think I deserve to forgive myself, especially not if they haven't forgiven me