I wanna cut myself again after a few months of not cutting

I wanna do it so badly, I've been suffering from depression and school. But I can't, it only makes me worse, I think about my parents when I do it and it makes me feel guilty. But I do it because of them, idk what to do

I have a big urge to do it but I can't find anything to cut and mom took away my cutter.

Mom has cancer, dad has to work and try not to lose money to feed our family and his gf, best friend wants to die, me failing school and have no motivation to do school work like last school year.

I wanna feel something again, I don't want to feel numb and empty everyday