MTF partner and phallo

Hello. I’m writing this because I’m really struggling. So please bear with me. I’m supposed to get phallo this year and my wife’s very serious about me getting it. We haven’t done anything sexual in two years because she wants me to get phallo first. I feel like I’m not good enough and I get counseling for this. We’ve opened our relationship up so I can still get my needs met but I haven’t done anything in months. I’ve even stopped taking t so I wouldn’t get horny anymore. I just feel like it’s so fucking unfair. My wife is mtf and I don’t tell her to get a boob job or bottom surgery. I love her for her. But this is driving me bat shit nuts to where I want to cancel surgery just to spite both of us.