I just really miss my baby

Last year, I was pregnant and my bf and I were super excited. I found out early and had begun planning, we were saving, things were going great. Then one Sunday a speeding car ran a red light and hit our car with my stepson in the back seat. We were all okay, but emotionally a wreck. My son still has nightmares, my boyfriends body still aches, and I lost my baby that day due to the impact. What’s worse is most people we told had said it was for the better and we should wait to have another kid, even though ours is 4 years old. One “friend” had even said that there was nothing I could do about it so I shouldn’t be crying over spilled milk and basically to suck it up. I’ve since cut off that friend. But now every single day I think about my unborn child. I didn’t even get to find out the gender yet. I grew so attached. I wanted them. I had baby name lists made, we narrowed it down to a few names for either gender. And now, it’s March, and my baby would have been born any day now. They could have been here in my arms. I would have spoiled that baby like no tomorrow. That’s MY baby. My bf and I are still together, and are both experiencing a period of grief at this moment. Some days it’s hard to get out of bed, and lately I’ve been having nightmares of another miscarriage even though I’m not pregnant.

All I know is that I have a long overdue play date waiting for me when I die. I know there will be one person waiting for me, and I will be so happy to finally hold them.