My Partner Detransitioned and I’m Taking it Badly

My partner was born female and transitioned to male in their late teens. We are both early 20s. I’m also trans female to male. We met about a year and a half ago and started dating. We moved in together after only a few months due to my personal family problems. Yesterday they told me they’re not trans. They’re de transitioning back to female. I won’t go into her reasoning but it was a coping mechanism due to trauma.

This was really out of nowhere as she never hinted it to me. I knew she wanted to explore being feminine but she pretty much hid her feelings of not being trans. I was pretty devastated but told her I accept her and support whatever makes her the happiest. We went to the store and got her some more feminine clothes. However, I feel terrible because I’ve been depressed ever since. I feel so alone in my transness. We started HRT around the same time and do each other’s injections. We share clothes and help each other feel more masculine.

I feel guilty that I feel so sad about this. Also, I always said I was a gay man, and now I’m rethinking that because I still love her and it’s causing a full blown identity crisis of my own. I don’t want to make this about me but I’ve just been crying. She says she understands but I just don’t know how to deal with this. I also recognize that I’ve always copied her to some degree and now I’m questioning my own gender which is confusing.

She’s much happier now that she’s realized and accepted this about herself, and I feel guilty for being sad about something that brings her such joy. I feel like I’ve lost my boyfriend, even though she’s now my girlfriend. I keep thinking she might change her mind but I know she won’t.