I was fooled, tricked, bamboozled. I'm so tired.

Writing this from the toilet while holding my almost-three-week-old so she doesn't scream. The first two weeks she would nurse and then go down easily in her bassinet for a nap. She would fuss when she was hungry, let out one cute short little "neh" cry. I was amazed at how quiet and calm she was. Oh how foolish I was.

All she wants is to be held. My mom bought a fancy rocking swing and she will be in it for 2 minutes tops before screaming. The bassinet? Don't make me laugh. And logically, rationally, I know she is crying to communicate. And she wants comfort and contact. She's only three weeks old! I am constantly muttering to myself "she's not giving you a hard time, she's having a hard time." And of course I want to hold her. She's adorable and so soft and tiny. I love her so much.

But she wants to nurse almost every hour, and when i hold her to nurse, then have to hold her upright for 15-30 mins so she doesn't immediately spit it all up, and then try to put her down so I can make myself a sandwich or just the bathroom, it's immediate crying. And her crying is almost painful to hear, i can't ignore it. My husband works full time, my mom has gone home to her state, my inlaws are sick. It's just me and my little one.

I'm so tired. I'm not sure the point of this is, just venting. I'm gonna cling to what everyone says, it will get better. It's gotta get better. Or at least, I've gotta.