how can i be honest with a new therapist?

i’ve been in consistent therapy for 11 years and i lie my ass of the whole time i‘m in there because i am so obsessed with people perceiving me as a good person and i can‘t bring myself to be open about the parts of me that make me ashamed of myself.

i have tried to backtrack on my lies and open up to my current therapist, but she just says i‘m „being hard on myself“ and i „don‘t actually feel that way.“ but i do, i’ve just lied for so long that she can’t even fathom me not being what she’s always seen me as.

i think i need a new therapist entirely to start fresh with, but i can only seem to be honest once i’m comfortable with someone, so since it’ll be a new person i don’t know i‘m worried i‘ll get in there and my brain will be like „lie. you don’t know them well enough to say that, so make them think you’re the opposite of what you are.“ and i‘ll dig myself into the same hole that by the time i‘m comfortable enough to open up, they again will not take me seriously.

i am ashamed to say i am not a good person. i am ashamed to say the way i think and the things i’ve done. i want help but i‘m terrified of peoples perceptions. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to help myself.