Does it ever really get better?

I’ve been dealing with one thing after another for years now it just feels like I can’t get a break. Ive been on medication for four years now. It’s not like it’s all the time but I’m consistently struggling with anxiety depression and paranoia. It’s really hard. Honestly last night was one of the worst nights I’ve had. I was sitting down trying to act normal and eat dinner and I genuinely came to the conclusion that I’ll die due to suicide. Maybe not any time soon but if something doesn’t change I’m a goner. How are people genuinely happy? How do people get up every day and live the same day over and over without going insane. I’m constantly uncomfortable with where I work and live. I’m always craving something new. I’ve never been just happy. I wanna really find a job I love. I’m desperate to be happy. I’m trying. I’ve been trying for so long. I see other people everyday and they just look so happy. I don’t understand how people like my mother can be so content in life. I’ve never been relaxed I’m always worried always stressed. I’m just so done. And I’m coming to the conclusion that some people just don’t get better. It’s been four years. I’ve done the medications the mental hospital stays and therapy. What the hell else do I do? Just suffer ? I’m not looking for pity just someone who understands because I truly feel like no one does.