3 years later and I’m still in pain

It’s been almost three years since the last time my PA left me. The divorce was finalized a little over 2 years ago.

I still carry so much pain. I don’t want to explain what’s going on but there were a lot of triggers this weekend and now I just feel like shit. My ex destroyed me long ago and I’ve never fully recovered.

I want to stop feeling so bad. I want to stop hurting. I don’t want him to have this power over me anymore.

I did two years of intensive therapy and graduated a little over a year ago. I was doing much better. But lately I’ve been feeling worse.

I feel so stuck. I can’t afford therapy, I can’t exercise or do any physical activity to make myself feel confident or powerful (I think I might have a permanent knee injury due to inability to afford healthcare).

I keep thinking about him, how he left me, how he hurt me, how he replaced me with 100,000 women, how he’s doing great and enjoying life, how he took away everything I loved, including myself, how lied to me and manipulated me, how he used me, how shitty of a person he is, and how I can’t stop loving him.

I hate this. Someone please help.