A Therapists take on snarkers

I wanted to share some insights and observations from my experience as a therapist that may help with some perspective around what is happening here with snarkers.

I’m a licensed professional clinical therapist, and I have some specialties in addiction and trauma work (EMDR specifically). I work in private practice now but have experience in agency and community mental health work. I’ve been a therapist for about 8 years now and it’s truly my calling to be of service in this way. I’ve really learned to hold compassion for all people, no matter their prospective (left, right, and all over the spectrum).

Years ago, after watching the documentary “The Social Dilemma”, I started asking new clients about their relationship to social media, if they find themselves doom scrolling, how many hours a day they spend on social media, and other questions about their online experiences. We all know that social media impacts our mental health, but it wasn’t and unfortunately still isn’t a standard intake question when people seek services.

Anyway— somehow I found myself in a niche and helping folks work through social media addiction.

I’ve worked with many people who engage online similar to the snarkers. Around 2020 there was a large amount of people engaging online with intense anger/rage (the big emotions were of course legitimate, following things like COVID, loss of employment, the BLM movement, and the murder of George Floyd). Lots of wanting people to pay for what they’ve done through receiving the cultural consequence of getting “cancelled”. Y’all remember— digging up old stuff, online creators apologizing and taking breaks from the internet (shout out Jenna Marbles, we miss you), and mass amounts of people calling for people to be outcasted forever with no room for ownership, apologizing, or reform. Nothing these creators could do would be deemed “good enough”. No room for compassion and understanding that we are all imperfect and deserve some space to change and grow. The emotion made sense, of course, but in an effort to control their emotions they sought out people to “punish”. Think about a victim after an assault, who would do anything for their abuser to unalive. It’s a way the human brain tries to cope with big emotions— punish the people who activate their pain, instead of looking inward, taking ownership of their own emotions, and moving through them without projecting them onto other people. It’s a means of control.

In the work I’ve done with people who have these online addictions focused on their rage and hate—I have seen their deep loneliness and pain, they are usually very isolated and very little or no meaningful social connections except for the ones they maintain online. This does not in any way make their actions right or understandable for the victims of their hate crusade. In fact, the most painful part of their therapy journey is having to admit that they’ve harmed people by engaging in their addiction to anger/rage/punishment online. It’s a massive moment of humility that they have to confront in therapy in order to move past the addiction. There are usually deep seated traumas from their lifetime that need working through. I notice that sometimes people who have been victimized in their lives in some way will find power in embodying “the punisher or perpetrator” of harm. They don’t even know they are doing it in the moment. They fully believe they are standing up for fellow victims, but in turn, they’re really just passing on the same harm that was done to them.

There are real addictions to the pathways of hate and rage in the brain and that is what we are seeing on the internet. I’ve seen it in my practice, I’ve seen it online, and I’ve seen it in myself about a decade ago when I wasn’t engaging online healthily.

I’ve also seen incredible moments of ownership, humility, growth, and change. I’ve seen people slowly leave their chronically online life, find meaningful connections in their lives, and no longer engage in their old coping skill of engaging in the numbing, powerful nature of hate online. I’ve seen people move from being full of anger and hate, to compassion and ownership for the harm they’ve created. Just like addicts to substances who take ownership and make amends. That’s the same path of healing for the snarkers.

I really am in the position of holding compassion for snarkers. I’ve seen their loneliness and suffering in my office.

I also completely understand and have compassion for the anger and hurt of their victims and the rampant nature of racism that is shading all of this. Hila and Ethan have every right to be full of anger as a response to their treatment from the snarkers.

So anyway, thank you for reading my reflection. I hope it gives a different/new prospective. I adore the H3 show and have been a fan since the vape nation days. Peace and love, peace and love. FAMILY. 💛🌈