i'm fed up

just tired of having a life that revolves around pain. even when i'm not IN pain, i'm worried about pain. worried it's coming. feel a slight level 3 pain, worry it's going to turn into a 7. it's consuming my life. any small twinge i'm like here we go, another horrible day. pain has turned me into a person i'm not, and don't want to be. i'm only 29, i want to be here and play with my kids and feel good.

i'm losing weight, don't want to eat. all my safe foods eventually become unsafe so at this point every time i eat it's just a gamble. i'm weak all day, shaky, just feel like shit all day every day.

my mental health was doing so well but being in pain/thinking about pain constantly 24/7 for months now has just really tanked me. i'm thinking about food, pain, food, pain all day every day. it's ruining my life.

i've dealt with garbage doctors for almost a year now who do not care about me. i keep hearing "normal, you're healthy, there's nothing wrong with you" and here I am again, wasting a night of my life writhing in pain worse than labor contractions.

my HIDA was 86%. luckily i was able to find my own surgeon and he approved cholecystectomy for sept. 5. but i'm just plagued with thoughts. i can't wait that long. what if it's not my gallbladder? what if the doctors who said it was normal are right? what if my problems persist to a point i can't take care of my kids anymore?

could really just use some surgery success stories right now. love to anyone who needs it. xx