Do you feel the church creates an environment where beauty is prized?
Hello! Sixth generation (ex)Mormon here currently in therapy working through my religious trauma and the devastating effect the church had on my self-esteem.
While being raised in the Mormon church, I came to believe that the more attractive women were to Mormon men, the greater their value. I don’t recall ever being explicitly taught this, but it is definitely something I fundamentally believed so when I started gaining weight at puberty due to a condition called lipedema, my self-esteem plummeted because I intrinsically knew that fat equals ugly according to society. (It was the ‘80s, ‘90s, and ‘00s so pretty much at the height of fat phobia with zero body acceptance to be seen.) This belief was bolstered by my Mormon gma who clearly preferred my skinny blond cousins over me and who would suddenly take an interest in me anytime I managed to lose some weight through starvation and over exercising.
My mom is still very devout, but is also willing to hear criticism about the church when I need to vent. However, on this point — the idea that women are given more value in the church if they are conventionally pretty — she will not agree with and, honestly, maybe it was something that I came up on my own since I can’t recall any specific example of the church overtly teaching me this. The most I can recall is my young women’s workbook had a whole section on how to make yourself more “presentable.” And after I left the church I heard a recording of a talk where the young men were told that if they are truly devout, they will get the prettiest bride when they return from their missions.
Does anyone have any examples of why I may have picked up this belief that the church prizes beauty in women members? Or did my childhood brain just make that up? I was out by the early aughts, so maybe things have changed and my mom doesn’t remember past teachings?