TW * Does anyone else think suicide is the only way out ? TW *

I haven't felt real or reality in months I feel so detached from myself and my family and everything around me it's honestly so freaky, i feel like im living a strangers life. Also sometimes question if I died the day I went into this dpdr dissociation,

Then comes the thoughts of how will I ever deal with being present reality if I were to come out this state? Because being shut of for so long is kind of comforting but also miserable and lonely. Then what if this is just my life forever now? It's all these thoughts going round and round.