I'm Tired And Need Advice/Encouragement On How To Continue

This is a vent post so sorry for the long length, but I'm struggling and don't have anyone in my life to talk to about this. I'm currently 18F and I know I am young but I am already so exhausted.

I grew up thinking I was cursed because anything that could have gone wrong went wrong. I grew up in an emotionally abusive and sometime physically abusive household, we lost many homes and apartments due to foreclosure, condemnation, and even arson. The arson was definitely the worst of it, it's such a long story but I never even knew the man and he set our entire apartment complex on fire. I was 14 but that was definitely a breaking point. I don't think I've ever been the same since, I can't relax.

Anways my point is I have gotten comfortable living in chaos. Everyone told me things would get better I'm college and it did in some ways but in other ways life became harder. I got into my dream school because I managed to get a 4.0 in highschool, but when I got there I was quickly hit with reality when I realized I was surrounded by rich white people and I couldn't adjust.

I didn't think I was that poor growing up but being there made me realize my life wasn't as good as my parents made it out to be. For context my parents grew up in extreme poverty so in comparison my life was pretty great. I was told we were lucky to live in a house even though we had no heat or hot water.

Anways first semester of college I was harassed and stalked by men and then continously blamed for it because the clothes I wear are "too colorful" and because I was "too nice". Literally the first day I got there I was asked if I would pick cotton for 200 dollars an hour by a white guy. I tried going to black queer spaces and orgs to feel comfortable and but I was only made fun of because apparently I don't look gay enough?

The kids there would judge me for having a tiny computer or for shopping at Walmart. I was questioned for having reusable plastic utensils in my dorm and not silverware.

Then things only got worse after I began having a hard time feeling my legs. After a visit with a neurologist I was told that I had functional neurological disorder most likely caused by long term trauma...

This diagnosis was in no way helpful lol. Things are still a mess because I feel like no doctors will listen to me but oh well.

I was diagnosed in October and I have since transferred colleges which has helped a lot but I am always tired and in pain. I'm also always anxious especially with the status our country is in rn, and I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel safe. I am a econimically disadvantaged queer black woman who is currently physically and mentally disabled at 18 and I am having a hard time figuring out how I'm going to live in a world that isn't built for me. I just feel really alone rn.

Also I know I'm depressed, I also have OCD and severe anxiety, and I was put on antidepressants but unfortunately like 2 years ago I developed what they call toxic serotonin syndrome which is super rare. I've been told I can't be put on SSRI's. A year ago they wanted to put me in impatient care so they could put me on meds and monitor me but my mom begged them not to take me.

Sorry if this was a lot of complaining and run-on sentences. I honestly appreciate it if just one person listens.

I'm often told I'm really strong for going through everything I've been through, but I don't feel strong I just feel tired. I sometimes wonder will things ever get better?