Lesbian obsessed with dicks

Title says it all haha. I have never had sex with a man and I am completely in love with my girlfriend. I don’t find men attractive but I’m so curious about their genitals?? I go through phases of being repulsed and being so deeply curious. Sometimes I blame my curiosity on my insecurity of not knowing what I don’t bring to the table sexually (my gf is bi and has had sex with men). I’ve had phases of thinking I’m trans and that I want a penis. I get turned on watching straight porn and porn with only men. I feel so gross for doing that but I’m so intrigued. The thought of kissing a man and being intimate with one turns me off though. Like I just want to know what a dick feels like. Also, I feel like I can’t tell my gf about it because we’re monogamous and I think that would really tank her confidence and shake up our relationship badly. Side note- I’m happy we’re monogamous. I’m so confused someone please talk to me.