Can my experience be classified as AAP? (TW: SA)

I'm using a throw out account to write this because it's been a couple of months where I'm asking myself again about my "gender."

I currently identify as agender and transmasc, and I have been on T for 3 years and 5 months. I've always been a really feminine girl in my presentation and interests, but my behavior (among other children, not adults) and my inner self felt masculine. I really took pride in my gender "ambiguity" (in my primary school diaries I've written several times how I was the coolest for being a "female with a male soul" and stuff like that). I started feeling gender dysphoria after I understood what sex was (11 yo), and that fucking disgusted me. The thought of being penetatred, to be passive, to be submissive really set me off and I started to reject femininity. At the same time, I was a lot into radical feminism (I loved Valerie Solanas and her SCUM manifesto), and I started to hate males, and that kinda delayed my "transgender epiphany". The thing is that, what really convinced me of my male identity (or wish to be male) were my extremely sadistic fantasies a lot concerning SA. I don't know how many of you are aware of who Ed Gein is (is one of the killer who inspired Buffalo Bill) but when I firstly heard of him I immediately thought that I would have wanted to take someone else penis and attach it to myself like he made his bodysuit from others.

All my feeling towards men are a mix of Envy and Desire. I consider myself demisexual/bisexual, but I'm much more drawn to men, and I persuade long-term relationships only with them. Here things get complicated, I don't find the male body attractive, just the genitals (not only the dick but also the scrotum), but I think the female body looks better in the whole. Besides this, I've discovered lately that what really makes men better to my eyes is the sexual gratification that they give to me. When I look myself naked in the mirror, I feel like an heterosexual men looking to a body and I find that body (mine) hot, I tell myself that I would fuck me really hard, and that makes me feel complete. It's like I need to feel attractive to men eyes to be happy. At the same time, I hate it because it usually means they just see me as a hole, so as something inferior.

I didn't feel aroused while trying on boxers, nor do now. I didn't feel aroused while trying on a packer, I was only slightly excited, but the feeling got away soon (and now I don't even want a prosthetic anymore). Same thing for binding, I don't bind anymore, and I like my chest now that is covered in hair, I like being this androgynous figure. What turns me on is power, total dominance, sadism, and I tie it strictly to masculinity. In that sense I feel horny as a "man" because statistically they're the one with this set of characteristics. But this is rooted in misoginy. My male identity (I identified as a binary man/FtM for almost 5 years) is now fading because I understood that all my beliefs about my inner sense of self are constructed on sexism (which is a material reality no one is immune to, so I don't blame myself for it). I won't call myself a detransitioner, because I feel that transness really describes my experience, and feels right to me, but I can't admit that I'm or feel like a man. I'm just a being. A genderless. Anatomically speaking a masculinized female. Never a woman

Sorry for this long paragraph, I just wanted to share my thoughts with someone. Also, english is not my first language, I apologize in advance if something isn't clear or poorly written.