Environmental Lovers will hate me when they know how much plastic I use.

AITAH oops just joking I just feel like I am an AH because of this and I always feel guilty and bad and right now its hurting my chest (maybe its because I haven't slept yet)

TLDR for us adhds:

I use single use plastics to help me in keeping up to everyday life as I hate being wet = I hate cleaning and washing dishes. My executive dysfuction is super high because of how I was raised and now being a college student living in condo with roommates exposes how bad it is. As an Architecture Student my design philosophy is sustainability, reducing carbon footprint and prioritizing the environment. I also try to live by this with my everyday life but I found out that using more plastics that what an average person uses gives me the peace and keeps me a productive & functioning adult.

Only reasoning/excuse I tell myself is that without them I would not be able to keep up to the demands of everyday life that normal people can easily do. I always tell myself that the climate change and environmental degradation is not to be just shouldered by everyday average people with no money but by companies/corporations who uses polluting shortcuts to keep costs down and prices up. My use of these plastics are to give me a chance of normal life just like any other people that uses aids for their disabilities because adhd is also a disability and not just laziness. I'm not lazy I just need help to do things that people usually just do without much effort.

ESSAY FORM (RANT):

I'm an architecture student and one of my design philosophy is to be sustainable, reduce carbon footprint as much as possible and prioritize the environment which I also try to live by with my day to day life. I tried to be the "sustainable girly" (had the hyperfixation about it too) but it drove me nuts, affected my grades and mental health (made me more depressed)

When I was a child - teenager, I didn't know I have adhd and I'm with my parents so of course I don't do household chores much, only those I wanna do/can do. As asians, my parents prioritizes studies above everything else so I escape household chores frequently whenever I'm super busy with studies.

Now that I live in a condo (with roommates) I just realized how dysfunctional I am and if nobody picks up after me everything becomes a mess = not productive with studying. I hate being wet, the feel of wetness on my skin gives me an ick and being wet includes sweat so any form of chores that makes you sweat makes me run away. I move slow, I need step by step to do list to be able to do anything with my life.

With all of these I discovered freezing and plastics. I love cooking and I can muster up the power to do the dishes from my cooking. I also discovered meal prep and freezing the dishes I cook to top on rice. I also discovered how to make microwavable rice. I do them in bulk once a week whenever I have time/get the mood so i only do cooking and washing once a week. These made my life easier but the eating utensils use and the microwavable containers that I put the frozen food which I have to wash 3x sometimes 5x a day tortures me because as I've said I hate being wet.

This is where the plastics come in. I bought disposable spoons, forks, bowls and plates to eat with. As a student, wooden utensils are super expensive unlike paper bowls and plates so I stick to plastics. I also use single use plastics (plastic ice bags and plastic snack bags/food bags. not ziplock because they are expensive af) to wrap the food that I freeze (rice, soups, main dishes that I put on my rice, and even mashed potatoes and gravy.) This leads me to use a TON of plastics in my everyday life besides the average plastic that everyone uses.

The guilt always hurts me whenever I feel it every once in a while but I needed these to function, I tried everything from being a "sustainable girly" to using reusable containers that I have to throw away because I can't keep up and end up with rotting scraps and it always leads to me being depressed, having bad grades and being unproductive with my adulting life.