childhood story

up to when i was 6, on the day of christmas, i lived and was primarily taken care of by a family member who treated me like an animal. she would make me sit in a dark-ish room and eat lemons for her social media post, she’d lock me outside the house when i upset her, she made me kneel in the floor in public to beg for her forgiveness when i tripped over my dress and fell in a public mall… because i was an “embarrassment”. she’d threaten daily to kill my parents if i didnt listen to her and sleep next to her every night.

but she’d also buy me expensive gifts and praise me, she’d bring me out, show me off to her “friends”, almost every day. and i’d sing for them, and they’ clap for me and i felt so, so proud and special.

until that one christmas, when i came home from my cousin’s house. i had been playing with my toy cars and legos with my parents in our room (which i usually didnt sleep in), until my mom left the room. she didnt come back for a while. and a while later, my dad left as well.

i didnt care much, i continued playing for several minutes. but i got bored, and i hear a loud noise outside, but i was in a great mood, so i just skipped outside, i wanted to join in whatever “fun” i thought they were having.

i saw that person holding a knife, screaming at my mom, and my dad was holding her back, my mom was crying, and i think my knees went weak because i was unaware of what happened next but i was sitting on the floor, crying.

a while later my mom carried me back to the room, apparently my dad took the knife away and he came back to the room a while later, but i was sleepy so i kind of dont know what happened…

but the next day, i woke up in my parents’ car, and we stayed in this hotel for a while.

and we had to find a new home after that. we took 3 years to actually move into a flat of our own.

several years later, i decided to ask my parents why they had that fight with her.

they told me that it was because of me.

its my fault. if i had not been born, this wouldnt have happened.

and i know that i’ll never be able to repay my parents for all theyve done for me.

im so grateful that even though im a failure, they chose to keep me around.