How do you know you love your kids unconditionally?

I have two children. 5 years and 5months.

I’ll start by saying i’m a complete and utter f*ck up. I was raised by a mother who emotionally neglected her children. She was codependent on us and I grew up feeling completely responsible for my mums feelings. She was unpredictable, snappy, very rigid in her ways.

Because of my childhood I’ve grown up never feeling good enough, never feeling lovable and I have a very unhealthy desire for everyone to like me / to please people.

I try my best with my children, I don’t want them to be like me and I never want them to experience a childhood like mine.

But the truth is, I’m struggling with my daughter (5) She started school last year and I find myself obsessing about her not being liked. I feel like I need to make a huge effort to ensure she looks neat / tidy / nice every day.

I feel stressed about what she eats, I don’t want her to be overweight like I am.

I find myself comparing her to other children and I feel myself picking at little things, like the way she eats / gets messy / writes / does her homework etc.

I know that I love my children and I care about them so much, but it’s starting to upset me that perhaps it’s not unconditional love.

Why am I so obsessed with looks, why am I obsessed with her being as good as everyone else, why does it bother me that people might not like my child? I feel so messed up. I so badly don’t want to screw up my child but what kind of hope do we have if she’s not unconditionally loved 😭💔