I had a startling admission tonight

I was FaceTiming with an online friend of mine. And I’ve had a really rough year. But while we’re talking, I was crying and admitted I wrote my will. Because the idea of dying was such a calming relief compared to trying to continue to live and fight for happiness/peace/hope.

While explaining this to him, my shoulders visibly sagged and I felt the weight on my soul lift off of me. It was the first time I vocalized this. But yeah…I feel so much calmer at the idea that I’ll kill myself soon.