Faced with loneliness, I made a radical decision

For several years, I have sunk into a total solitude that borders on the absurd. However, basically, I am someone who has many friends.

I feel like it's destiny that I'm alone. For example, after spending the month of July completely alone, I was looking forward to July 21 (my country's independence day) to see people. Except that all my friends had something to prevent me from doing so and I found myself walking alone in the middle of the party.

I'm 35 years old and I've realized that I'll never have a wife or children and that I'll probably live the rest of my life alone. A horrible feeling.

So I made a radical decision: If by next Christmas, a miracle has not happened in my life that will take me out of this abject solitude, I will end my life (not that day, I will set a date at that time).

So I probably only have 5 months left to live and I'm going to try to live them as if they were my last. I hope I can savor them in some way.

I'm not suicidal, I love life. But I feel like I'm living under a glass bell and seeing everything unfold in front of me and I can't take it anymore.

I'll keep you posted.

Sorry, English is not my first language.