Daddy left

After 2.5 years he just left and I’m so alone. Sometimes I’m ok and sometimes I feel like dying. He didn’t even do it to my face but left me over the phone. I haven’t cut myself in a long time but fighting the urges now is so difficult. I’ll never find someone else who got me in the way he did and I’m so angry and upset I want to hate him but I don’t I love him so much and I just want him to love me. I feel like I wasted so much time on a man 30+ years older than me and I feel used. I don’t know what to do he didn’t even make me happy so much of the time I spent so many nights alone and crying but he’d hold me after and it would feel ok now no one is going to hold me. I need him I can’t be alone I’m so scared please help me idk what to do.