I don’t like myself right now

I did the one thing I promised myself I’d never do. I was hella clingy this last week.

I was shaken after my punishment. It was a brutal punishment. It was designed to trigger, and trigger it did. I knew I was in trouble but I didn’t see that coming. I have no idea why he chose that method. I was emotional the entire week. And I became clingy.

For who’s still reading, he told me he was taking me off his (metaphorical) leash as the punishment. My world ended for a second. It was rather quick, only a minute or two later he said he didn’t intend to do that, and that punishment was over.

We proceeded to play but my heart had already sank out of my body. I fucked up and managed to earn one more punishment in a few more minutes. And then one more. These other two were very minor ones, but god, what a brutal night.

I have promised not to question him, and I’m not. If there’s one thing I firmly believe, it’s that he has my best interests at heart. I just can’t understand why he chose that way.

I’m giving him space right now after I’ve been so clingy, but I will ask to help me understand the next time we talk. But what do I do until then with these emotions?