All this love and hate with no place to go

I hate you.

I hate you for hurting me and not show even an ounce of guilt for the way you mistreated me. All the lies, manipulation, and gaslighting when all I did was accept you for who you are and love you without asking for anything in return. I just wanted the same love back.

I hate myself for not leaving the first time you truly showed me who you were. I cannot believe I let you deceive me as long as you did. Somehow, I take accountability for the shit I’m going through right now because I looked past all the red flags glaring right in front of me just because I love you.

Did you even love me? Cause I can’t wrap my head around how someone would deliberately hurt the person they claim to love. Was I just naïve? Was I a rebound? Just someone to fill in the void? Did I deserve that? Why did you come into my life only to ruin it?

I’m so mad at myself because even after everything, I don’t know why I still have love for you. You made me feel so worthless. I feel so worthless. Like a trash you’re now discarding because I served my purpose. And the funny thing about it all is that I’m the one who ghosted you yet I’m also the one suffering.

There’s no winning this. I’m so pathetic.