FEELING TIRRRRRRED of this just tired………. pls hear me out

discovered I had PMDD at 24, and it’s been nothing short of a nightmare ever since. I’m now 30, and it feels like I’ve been battling an invisible enemy that robs me of control over my body and mind. I always had difficult periods, but as time went on, things became unbearable. I knew this wasn’t normal.

At 19, I started birth control for a while, then went on and off it, hoping for some kind of relief. But then I made the colossal mistake of getting a copper IUD. That year was one of the worst decisions of my life. My symptoms became even more unbearable, I experienced excruciatingly painful intercourse, and I just didn’t feel right. I finally had it removed, but I haven’t felt the same since.

Fast forward to 2019: my mom passed away, and my PMDD reached a level I didn’t even know was possible. Then the pandemic hit, and my life felt like a total disaster. I went from one doctor to another—gynecologists, endocrinologists—desperate for help. I was handed prescription after prescription, from Xanax to supplements like chasteberry, evening primrose, ashwagandha, vitamin D, fish oil—you name it, I tried it. I cut out sugar and gluten, drank disgusting Chinese herbs, exercised until I was exhausted, and still… nothing worked.

Progesterone cream? Worthless. Progesterone pills? Same. I even experimented with spirituality, trying to stay connected to myself because, let’s face it, I was losing myself. And while that helped a little, when PMDD hits, your mind spirals into chaos, and even the simplest tasks feel impossible.

I hit rock bottom so many times, but I kept pushing. I saw a naturopath and tried even more supplements. Nothing. I finally caved and decided to try SSRIs after years of resisting. The results? Disappointing at best.

Zoloft made me feel numb—just a hollow shell of myself—so I stopped. Klonopin helped temporarily but wasn’t a real solution. Then came Wellbutrin, which unleashed a monster inside me: constant anger, agitation, and rage. Lexapro made me paranoid, and Effexor left me nauseous and empty. I even gave Zoloft another shot, but it was a disaster. Nausea. Dissociation. No appetite. I tried cutting the dose in half and adding anti-nausea meds, beta blockers, and hydroxyzine, but it was a losing battle. I quit.

Desperate for something—anything—I turned to YAZ, a birth control pill. I thought maybe this would be the answer. Instead, I spent six days drowning in uncontrollable crying spells, agitation, and emotions so intense they scared me. It was worse than the PMDD itself. I wanted to hold on, to convince myself it would get better, but I couldn’t. It broke me.

And now? I’m back to square one. I might try Prozac, but honestly, it feels like rolling the dice at this point. Living with PMDD is not just hard—it’s devastating. It takes over your life, your mind, your relationships, and your hope. Unless you’ve lived it, you cannot possibly understand the soul-crushing weight of this disorder.

To the women out there fighting this same battle, I see you. I applaud your strength, your resilience, and your courage to keep going. PMDD is a war we fight every month, and no one truly understands how much it takes from us.