Breastfeeding has been the worst experience

I hate breastfeeding. I feel awful saying that, and I do it because it benefits bub but I absolutely hate it. It's isolating, demanding, lonely, frustrating, painful and exhausting. I'm sick of ripping my top down while holding a screaming baby.

I'm sick of pawing through the clean laundry trying to find another nursing top, just for it to get puked on 5 minutes later.

I'm sick of trying to get 5 minutes to myself and having baby given back to me because "he's hungry again"

I'm sick of being kicked, having my nipples dragged off my body, milk soaking my clothes, being touched out, waking up with my entire body aching.

I find myself resenting my beautiful husband because his body is his own. He can eat, drink and virtually do whatever he likes. I've had to cut dairy, caffeine and alcohol.

I'm sorry if this sounds awfully selfish. I feel like an asshole even thinking it. I love my baby more than myself, so I'll persevere.

His development is important and I want to nurture him. I know some women can't do this, so I should be grateful I can. I want to give him 6 months at minimum, I just hope I don't lose my sanity before then.