When did you start experiencing postpartum depression and/ or rage?

I’m almost 6 month PP, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know if it’s just the exhaustion or if I’m finally experiencing some form of PPD/PPR.

I have been surprisingly patient and steady throughout post-Partum and the newborn and infant phases so far, but I’m starting to crack. We have been cosleeping since two weeks out of desperation, and it works for us in many ways. BUT my son still wakes up 2-3 times a night demanding food for sleep (we are going to cave and sleep train very soon, which I am wholly emotionally ill equipped for).

I am also still pumping so I lose so much sleep at night. I change him, bottle feed him, put him back to sleep, then pump for up to 30-45 mins. bc it’s the only way I can get enough milk. He has started waking up SCREAMING while I am pumping and it’s so hard. I was so angry last night every time he woke up that by the last time I yelled at him to shut up. I feel so ashamed and so much guilt, and at the same time it was out of sheer desperation. My husband and I trade off, and I had him take tonight (I do 5 out of 7 nights but typically get my husband on the 2nd wake up if it’s past 1am). I think now he was waking up with gas pain, but I was just too tired to frame his cry as a need…

I’ve had the occasion really bad day in the last 6 months, but I’m having such a hard time shaking this. I’ve been so quick to anger too. I threw something across the room today (not in the room with anyone else), which isn’t like me. I have a doctors appointment scheduled already to check hormones, vitamin d, etc.

I guess I am wondering, when did you start experiencing PPD/ PPR? Did it at all coincide with a change to your supply/breastfeeding/ getting your period back? Was there a moment you new it wasn’t just a bad day? Did you end up taking meds or get out of it once baby hit some milestone like sleeping through the night?

Thank you in advance for any discussion!

Edit: typos