I can feel this spiritually deadening me. I can feel it.

SubhanAllah, whenever I’m free of it. I can cry in my nights. I can feel the khushu of prayer.

But I feel like. Panic now. And other times. Cause I feel it’s gone. I feel it. Like I’m turning to stone and I don’t know how to get it back.

Where things get more numb, more uncaring. Apathy I think it would be called. I don’t know how to get it back really. I usually do salat Al layul and increase Quran. And then it comes back. But every day I seem to mess it up by peaking at haram images of things I lust over