I am quite addicted to stoned meditation. I am not ashamed of it to stop either

So I meditate two times a day

1) An hour or so after I wake up (7AM on weekdays, varies on weekends) - I have some tea, I start planning my day in my head. Then I’ll sit outside my balcony and close my eyes for 10 minutes. I pray and show my gratitude to the universe. I have a job, I have a loving family, I have friends, I have the luxuries of the 21st century, a functioning body and everything I need, I have. I do this sober.

2) Post 5.30pm - I roll a joint, I smoke, I savour the joint and feel the high creeping in. I go sit in my balcony for 30-45 min and just be. In this state, I feel like an ethereal being. I feel “myself” dissolve into the infinite connection of the universe. I feel the void and I feel the light. It is a state of pure bliss. It is by far the favourite part of my day. Unless I’m meeting a good friend or going out travelling or something. But the pandemic has sealed this habit and I don’t like going without it. I can feel the behaviour of an addict and adhering to this pattern.

I typically never smoke than one small joint a day, even on weekends. I’ll smoke with a friend but I have increasingly been shying away from social smoking and loving only meditation smoking. But god damn I love the feeling. I don’t even want to stop because of how deep I can go during my meditation.

What do you think? Does anyone else do this too?