How my auntie saved me from simping

Mahn, if there’s one thing that I thank God for its having family members that you can get advice from without the fear of being judged.

So rewinding back to a point in time where I was not as self aware and wise as I am now, where I was easy to manipulate and rarely said no. Around when the pandemic had everyone in lockdown and I had one of the longest dry spells of my life. Going out on dates was out the question and so was randomly meeting new people outside.

Social media was the only option left. My hormones quickly convinced me to peruse twitter and see what’s up. That’s where all the baddies were and being that I was heavily active on there during those times I had an average following that was all organic, no bots, so it just made more sense than tinder. I scroll my following list and start dming whoever I saw as a viable candidate.

A few hours later I get a response from one of them and let me tell you something, this one caught my attention immediately. The younger me only cared about looks so I quickly fell for her. The good thing about twitter being that you both can see who you’re talking to and it’s not anonymous like here, where you’re literally blind dating.

Fast forward through the talking stage, we click and move past dm’s to WhatsApp and then gradually daily video calls which would go on for hours. Eventually I asked her to be mine and she agreed. This was entirely online and we never even met in real life, but I guess the video calls and exchanging pics made up for that.

As you’d expect we’re in deep and if a day went without checking up on one another, it would be a cause for concern and was immediately addressed during the next call. This goes on for some time successfully until this point she now starts asking me for money.

I was still trying to establish myself financially at the time, I had an internship going on and wasn’t making nothing to crazy, after all bills and expenses I only had like a loose 7k for the month.

Being a lover boy and broke is one of the worst things possible man! It was like I was being extorted, it was that bad. My last coins I had I was sending her to do hair, nails, food, period care packages and random flowers. We had began talking about marriage, how we’d introduce one another to parents, even kids bana! how many she wanted, names and even which schools to take them. I was deep in the trenches man, the absolute gutter! I deserved whips from kibe that time. I was being piuney.

According to her she was asking me for money constantly now to see if I would be a stable provider for when we eventually do start a family. And just to imagine I bought that story. Where was my self respect? I just get so angry thinking how gullible I was back then.

She must have used a love spell or something cause everything’s she asked I was saying yes, I became so attached and delusional it wasn’t healthy. I felt these knots and butterflies in my stomach whenever I heard her voice and I would even feel sick whenever we go days no contact. Man this was sorcery or some kind of magic.

Things start to escalate and the dirty texts start coming in, the view once pics were so many I lost count (iykyk). Then she starts saying how she doesn’t want to use condoms and wants me deep in her. We start organising for a meet up after a few months and lockdown restrictions eased up a bit. She was in the coast and I was to organise a way to go over there and go see her. This didn’t feel right at all and something in my intuition told me to get somebody else’s opinion.

So i randomly call an auntie of mine, it had been some time so we catch up and I explain to her the situation as I am packing a suitcase to go to coast. Man, it was like I was hit with post nut clarity after she lectured me about how irresponsible I’m being, why am I not focusing on building myself and becoming successful first. I was even abused for doing all that for someone I’m not even married to! I needed that reality check.

My auntie saved my life man!

Just to imagine I was going all that way to link with someone I had not yet met in person. Don’t do what I did I was dumb and ignorant for the best part.

Imagine had I gone what would have happened? Would I have been here today? Would I have started something I would regret later on? Man who really knows?

I just ghosted the babe and we stopped talking ever since, we still follow each other and I still see her tweets. Occasionally she post a thirst trap and I get tempted to call her, but I haven’t brought myself to do it.

Would I still be down to meet her if the chance came, maybe I would, but just to get a glimpse of what could have been.

I’ve gotten some closure and moved on from whatever that was hence why I’m okay talking about it now.