Marriage of 5 years collapsing

I am here to vent, so thank you for reading anyway. I just need to put things out of my head or I will go crazy. I am sitting at a bar by myself writing these now.

I have known my wife since we were 17. We got married 5 years ago and we are 33 now. That should give an idea about how much we have been together. Even contemplating previous fights makes me more angry.

Long story short, we lived together for years. We have always been fond of having quality time together. Despite various challenges namely familial issues, financial problems or unnecessary drama, we have managed to stay together. I was the first to fall in love and chase after her, but over time she also felt the same, or I thought she did.

We moved to the US due to her work, and we needed some fresh scenery. I had a stable job which did not satisfy her financially. I was an academic, yet she worked for a big corporation, meaning she didn’t earn a lot more than I did. However, she always made her statement saying I did not earn enough.

In addition to my unhealthy familial background, all the changes we have been through has been overwhelming for both of us. I, as much as I hate teaching in the US, have been putting up with the bullshit although it used to be a lot worse when I was working 2 jobs. Now i have turned to being part time, and this is where the camel’s back could not take it anymore:

Apparently I have been a burden to her our entire lives. I have been sucking her blood like a parasite. She said she wants to have kids but we cant because of me working 4 days a week (I need to say I only make 1000 dollars less than she does). Regardless, all her comments make me feel useless and betrayed. I thought we loved each other. She already knows I want to start a full time job but just chooses to hit me where I am softest. I think this is the fact that hurts the most.

When have we become so hateful, inconsiderate, vicious and indifferent? I feel like I cannot take this anymore. She has said many other hurtful things but I don’t want to go into detail anymore. I do not think she is happy with me anymore. I cant think of anything but separating. Even the thought of it seems ridiculous, but she has said things that handle anymore.

If you made it this far, thank you.