I Give Up

I(30F) really believed I was off the fence just a few days ago and now I'm back on. I feel like as a woman who is contemplating becoming a mom naturally, this is a seemingly impossible decision. I believe I will be damned either way and it is really causing me to break down emotionally and mentally. Its making me start to hate myself and my womanhood. The pains of pregnancy, the possible complications of labor, the mental, emotional, and physical overwhelm of it all...I don't think I can deal. Then post partum healing, having to immediately take care of a living human as you heal from physical trauma...but then there's if you choose not to have a baby you risk the emotional pain that may come with being child free, you may feel useless like you have no purpose, your reproductive organs may shribble up. Your partner may die first and then you'll be left all alone. Of course these are all just anxious thoughts but it's like neither choice is making me feel secure. The need to make a decision at all is all based in fear and peer pressure. Has anyone made a decision solely for themselves, not based in this fear?