Jumping rules nearly got my table to fight

TIL jumping isn’t a DEX check. But it was pretty dramatic. I never expect a jump to be the thing that nearly starts a full-blown war at the table. But here we are. So picture this: our Rogue is trying to clear a 10-foot pit. No big deal, right?? Dude’s got a +5 to Acrobatics and is built like a cat burglar. Should be easy.

But then our rules lawyer Barbarian calmly says: “That’s a Strength check, not Dexterity.”

The Rogue, already annoyed, says: “I have an 8 Strength, but I have a +5 Acrobatics. I should be better at jumping!”

The Barbarian grins. “Nope. The rules say Strength. You jump exactly 8 feet. Into the pit.”

Cue 15 minutes of rulebook flipping and dread. Turns out, the actual rules for jumping (PHB p.182) are nothing like what we thought. Long jumps are Strength score = feet jumped, assuming you get a 10-foot running start. No running start? Halve it. High jumps? Three feet plus Strength modifier, also halved if you’re standing still.

So our Rogue with an 8 Strength? Yeah, he maxes out at 8 feet. Into the pit. At this point, half the table is losing it. The Wizard is mad that he has 20 INT but still jumps like a toddler. The Barbarian is dunking on everyone with his STR 18. The Rogue is getting himself a drink. And THEN, just as tensions are dying down, the Monk asks if his Dexterity helps.

…Silence.

Turns out, Dexterity doesn’t mean jack for jumping. You can have a DEX 20 and still jump like an old man with bad knees. The only ways to do better jumping? Either cast Jump (triples distance), be a Tabaxi (34+ feet with Feline Agility), or just start stacking ladders in your inventory.

TL;DR: Jumping in 5e is entirely Strength-based, Dexterity doesn’t matter, and may cause actual table violence.

So yeah… I’ve been playing this wrong my entire life?!