Is anyone here choosing celibacy because of depression or bad relationship choices?

I'm not religious, nor do I have any moral issues around sex. I'm just sick of getting hurt and mistreated by abusing, controlling women. I pick terrible partners for bad reasons. I'm 42 (m) now and it just seems sad and pointless to pursue another relationship. I've always had a healthy sex drive but the thought of getting that close to anyone just makes me feel empty or hollow. I'm not even a big 'porn guy'. Just curious.