Pray For Me

I had to write this to get this of my chest. I am choosing to write it here because I believe only you folks will understand what i am talking about.

I (21,M) live in a muslim majority country. I study engineering in a moderate good university. I have been an athiest for past few years, since I never could accept Islam in my heart.

For last two years, my life went downhill after downhill. My grades have been very bad since the beginning of my university life. I got mixed up with some very bad people, lost nearly all my friends, got betrayed by men I thought of as my brothers. My dad recently lost his job (a HS teacher), I found out he got fired because he is having an affair with one of his students(a minor). My mom doesn’t know, no one beside me knows. I don't have the heart to tell my mom, my dad did the same thing 10 years ago.

Since the beginning of this year, I could not take this anymore. I tried to numb this feeling with drugs, but it never went away. I don't know how, my few months ago, I found Jesus inside my heart. I started reading about church history, about religion and I came to the conclusion that Catholicism is the one true religion. (I don't claim to know everything). I had the bible printed out, I read it in secret. I can't openly convert as long as I live in this country. The only way I can practice my faith is by emigrating and that requires that I get very good grades in the next semesters.

I am trying man, I am trying hard but I am always failing short. If it not for my faith im Jesus, I would have killed myself in last few weeks. I am trying but still that feeling doesn’t go away. I am too scared man, I am literally living on the edge now. I have failed too much, I can't fail anymore.

My brothers and sisters, when you go to mass in the coming days, when you pick up your rosary, when you pick up your bible, please remember me in your prayers. Pray for me so that I can overcome this battle. Pray for me so that I can find any resembleness of peace in my life. So that I can get baptized, receive the holy communion before I die. So that I can serve my lord Jesus, so that I can become his vassale of glory. Pray for me, so that our lord remembers me when he enters his Kingdom.