Want to be Catholic for pragmatic reasons, but having a hard time actually believing
My wife and I, former atheists, got baptized and confirmed a couple years ago in the church, then married in the church shortly after.
There's so much I love about Catholicism - the grounded and authoritative morality, the aesthetics, the apologia, and the fact that dedicated Catholics seem to lead the lives I want my children to lead (staying married, having lots of children, adhering to traditional sexual ethics) in such a chaotic and frankly degenerate modern world.
But I've had a very hard time actually believing in the supernatural claims of the faith, such as the resurrection and the second coming. I certainly believe in God, but I have a difficult time in actually believing Jesus is God and Christianity is true.
There are several things that make the Bible/Christianity difficult to believe in my case:
The resurrection seems to defy common sense and what we know about the laws of physics, and we must take the word of essentially one witness, Paul.
It seems Jesus only wanted to preach/save the Jews and had some disdain toward gentiles, referring to them as dogs, and Paul expanded the religion to gentiles:
I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel...It is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it to dogs.
Only after the gentile woman refers to herself as a dog and Jews as her masters does Jesus heal her daughter.
Further, why did God only make a covenant with Abraham and not all people/nations? Why the favoritism?
Last verse that seems hard to believe for me - it really seems like Jesus and his followers thought Jesus' return was imminent:
Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place.
Lastly and perhaps most importantly, I've never heard Jesus/God when I've prayed. How do I know he's there or real? Do you hear him?
In conclusion, there are so many things I love about Catholicism, and, while it might not seem like it, I do want me and my family to be Catholic. But it's so hard when I have such a hard time believing, intellectually. Especially as a former atheist, it's very hard to go through the motions and teach my children this is the truth when I don't believe it.
Would appreciate any feedback, be it thoughts, prayers, arguments, or anything else. Thanks and God bless.