i dont have it in me anymore

i dont expect any actual answers, just ranting and maybe someone will laugh idk its okay to laugh

the best way to describe my first semester is having to stockholm syndrome myself into enjoying my art classes, which, mind you, did not even work. i switched my major from pre-graphic design to marketing around a week before break because i dread and hate making art now. being so genuinely depressed for the first time since covid really doesnt help either like i dont know what to do bruh. i think i was cursed to be depressed during BOTH my freshman years and whoever is praying on my downfall needs to chill before i do something crazy

i enjoy my GEs more than the arts which says a lot. i was able to thug it out at the beginning but i dont think i can do it anymore idk what to do. i cant just fail both of them just because those credits no longer fulfill everything because my gpa would tank like crazy but i would also rather YASS myself than mix anymore paint and lay down 50 layers of charcoal so i can draw 30 objects on that big Af paper pad. its making me genuinely unhappy and i feel drained. i feel like half the person i was when i started school. i cant get a caps session til february (they told me this irl) so now i have to tweak until then i guess 😓😓