i will be better

i am using reddit as a journal at this point.

1. i’m just so happy he’s alive. there’s no reason that he would die or anything but i’m just glad he’s alive because i know anyone can die at any moment.
2. there’s a lot wrong with me . a lot . but it’s not stuff that i can’t figure out. it will probably take time and a lot of work and suffering but it’s not impossible to become better.
3. it really feels like he’s everything to me at the minute . but i can cultivate other areas of my life so i grow in ways that don’t involve him, and so there are other things that feel important to me again. i want to care about other things again.
4. i don’t know how to fix my problems . i don’t know how to care about other things again . i don’t know what to do at all . as much as i say all this i feel very hopeless .