Reach out to guy who rejected me?

I am not OP. That is u/chroma_sparkles who posted to r/datingoverthirty

Original post July 27th, 2021

So, I (31F) was seeing a guy (38M) for about a month. We went on 7 dates total, we slept together twice. He seemed very excited about me in the first 3 weeks. Planning dates, kissing/holding hands/general PDA in public. He paid for every meal and activity, and he texted me daily. We had great conversations, everything just seemed to be heading toward us happily dating.

Then, this past week I suddenly noticed him slow fading me, and yesterday when I asked if he was available at all this week, he sent me a text apolgizing profusely saying he thinks we should see other people. I simply replied while bawling my eyes out, "It's okay! Good luck with everything!"

I deleted my Bumble account almost instantly after he sent me that message because I was ready to give up, but I remade it today. Today, after swiping a few times, his profile shows up and he deleted his and made a new one as well. No idea why. But, that shows me that he didn't break it off with me for another woman. Of course like a dork I still swiped right, holding out some kind of dumb hope that we'll match again.

Now normally when I'm rejected by a guy whether things were going well or going bad, I say my little 'good luck' message and move on. But I honestly feel like this guy and I were on the way to something special. Now, I know that nothing I say will necessarily change his mind. But, for some reason I really want to send him a message. Maybe in like a week or two, after some time has passed.

I want to let him know how I felt about him because I never really got the chance to. I had actually been planning on telling him this week how I was developing feelings for him. He was nothing but a gentleman, very nice, generous, and he made me feel really special for the first time in a long time. And I really feel like he was developing feelings for me too. He proved it with his actions and words, which left me feeling like he was genuine. So for him to end things so abruptly has kind of left me confused. I know people are allowed to just suddenly change their minds with no explanation, and he's well within his right to.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping that the message would get him to change his mind or at the very least, get the door open so that we can talk more about what happened. But, I'm not a complete fool. I know more than likely he will read it and not respond even though we didn't end on bad terms. Even knowing that it most likely won't make a difference, I still want to send it because I really do want him to know how much I liked him and appreciated him, even if he couldn't care less enough to respond.

I feel like it would be very cathartic for me and again, whether he responds or not, would give me some closure because I will have said everything that's been on my mind and in my heart for the past month.

Should I go for it, or don't waste my time?

Edit: You all are right. I won't send him anything. I might still write out the message like I originally intended for my own personal catharsis, but I will not send it to him. I won't make a fool of myself chasing after someone who told me they weren't interested. If he wants to reach out to me, he will. And if I never hear from him again (which I most likely won't), then that's my closure. Thank you for all the responses (even the ones that were a bit harsh!).

Update  Jan 6th, 2025

About 3 years ago I made this post asking if I should reach out to a guy I was seeing after he rejected me. The general consensus was no, and I didn't.

But, 3 months after I made that post, he actually reached out to me! We did not speak to each other at all for those 3 months, and I didn't go on any dates with anyone else.

My heart dropped when I saw the text from him, but I was still skeptical. After about 3 days of texting, he asked me to dinner. I grilled him on why he rejected me, and why he decided to reach back out. I wanted to make sure he was not playing any games. If I had caught even a hint of it, I would have cut him off immediately.

I'll be vague on the reason he gave for rejecting me for privacy purposes, but basically he ended things because he thought there was a incompatibility between us. Even though he really liked me, he didn't want to drag things out and then break it off after one or both of us had caught major feelings. So I asked him why he then decided to come back and basically he said that he realized that we had something really good going, he really liked me, and he would be willing to overlook the incompatibility because after he sat and thought about it, it actually wasn't that big of a deal in the long term. (note: it wasn't anything like kids/marriage/anything major)

Basically, he kind of made an assumption and ended things too early when he probably should have just waited and talked it out with me. He acknowledged his mistake and apologized multiple times.

I also asked him if he had been seeing anyone else in the three months we were not talking, and he said no. He hadn't even been on any dates since me. Because he had never given me a reason not to believe him, I chose to. I was just trying to make sure that he wasn't using me as a rebound after he got dumped or something.

So, long story short, we have been together ever since we went to that dinner. And three years later we are now engaged!!! We are madly in love, and he truly is my best friend. My mom loves him, his mom loves me, he loves my fur babies, and they love him so all is good! :)

I decided to make this post not to brag, but to try and encourage some people to stop cutting others off so soon, or always assuming bad intentions when someone comes back. Believe me, in the past I have been lead on and used by men and probably should have cut them off. But, looking back, the signs were there and I chose to ignore them. My now-fiance has been nothing but a parade of green flags, but I was still cautious in the beginning of us dating. As much as I liked him, if he had shown me any red flags, I would have been gone. He came correctly and didn't play any games. He asked me to be his girlfriend without me having to beg for it, and he literally told me "I didn't reach out with any intention other than asking you to be my girlfriend".

Don't be afraid of being someone's "second choice", because essentially we all are someone's second choice! If someone comes back to you, don't just assume they are coming back with bad intentions, unless they treated you badly from the beginning. But, if someone was kind, caring, generous, etc and maybe things just didn't work out the first time for some reason, it won't hurt to try again! It's just really important to make sure the person isn't playing games with you, and if you see that happening, leave!!

Okay this is really rambly, sorry! Thanks for reading!

TL;DR: we're engaged!!!

Added Comments

OP on the reason she was rejected the first time

I'm still not going to say the actual reason. But like I said, it turns out that it actually wasn't a major incompatibility, just a bad assumption on his part.

If we had truly been incompatible somewhere, we definitely still wouldn't be together.

Compatibility in a relationship is different for everyone, so what works for some people may not work for others.

I an not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts