My future is not in my control

I'm talking about marriage. I am expected to marry someone. Probably in 5 years.

I really really am afraid that I won't be able to marry a man who is kind, gentle, understanding and who keeps me as his priority. (Because i will keep my partner as my priority and i expect the same). Everywhere i see, own family, friend's family, social media.... Men giving the hardest time for their woman. Im so scared.

Don't tell me that i should not marry for the sake of it. I don't think i can escape that. I don't have such a privilege at my house.

I will definitely marry someone who fits my expectations as i said above. It's the fear. Why am i even expected to do something like that. I am very young. I have barely lived my life. I don't want to face what the women in my life face. And my expectations are literally just bare minimum, common sense. I need someone with empathy. I don't want a control freak. I will just kms if i were to live a life with such a person.

Why am i indirectly forced towards "marriage". It's scary. Why the same women around me are not supporting me. Why can't we just live in peace without judging others for simply existing who causes literally no harm.

Also pregnancy, the scariest part. It's not just marriage. It involves pregnancy. Does anyone know how much scary that is? It's literally survival. Pregnancy is glorified and celebrated. (It should be). But it hides the scary part. Im not not not not at all ready to face such a painful experience. My insides are going to be teared apart and i should just celebrate about that? OMG.