Death

I have severe death anxiety, I think about it all the time, I won’t go into that but it is an overreaching theme in my life. But lately I’ve been having periods where I don’t think about it for awhile, and then it’s like I forget...And then suddenly remember and panic. And those panicky episodes are way worse than my normal day to day musings. I’m not sure if these stretches of not remembering it are worth the panic attacks following a stretch of not thinking about it.

Just the idea of not existing. Sometimes I torture myself and try to picture not existing, or what happens when the earth burns up in however many millions or billions of years, or like the universe if everything just ceased to exist and there was only nothingness.

Ah why do I do that to myself!?